It’s easy to say, “Slow down,” but why is it actually so hard to do that and follow the advice? Could it be that we don’t really want to take it easier?
I often see this in one-on-one counseling sessions: clients come in wanting to plan their time and priorities better, learn to make time for themselves, organize their work in a way that leaves more time for themselves—they’re on the verge of burnout, their health is giving them warning signs, and so on. After some conversation, however, it becomes clear that this desire has come from someone else, and deep down, the person knows that they don’t actually want to do it. To identify this desire or lack thereof, it’s very helpful to replace the words “getting” or “knowing” in commonly used phrases with the word “wanting.”
In other words, if I replace “I can’t not go to meetings” with “I don’t want to not go to meetings,” it becomes clear that I have the freedom to choose what I want, to act accordingly, and to accept the consequences. A balance between freedom and responsibility begins to take shape. Sometimes, for the first time in a person’s life, the feeling arises that they actually do have freedom.
The question, then, is what is so valuable that the cost of giving it up would be too high. So my intention is that I don’t want to pay that cost, and right now, it’s all worth it. Because then I have the choice of whether or not to pay that price. In any case, I decide for myself what I want and what makes more sense for me at this point in time. A simple example: if I still want to attend that meeting, because it will help me get noticed in pursuit of my future career goals, then I want to be there, and right now I don’t want to do other work tasks—I want to do them outside of work hours. By participating in that meeting, I want to invest more time in my future, for example.
Both options are fine and perfectly acceptable—whether you decide to slow down or keep going full steam ahead. What’s important is that a person acts according to their OWN WILL and understands the cost of both paths. Everything always comes at a cost, and the question is whether you’re willing—or have the will—to pay one cost or the other. If I want my career to be more important right now, then the cost is less time with my loved ones. If I want more time with my loved ones, then the rapid and powerful advancement of my career is the price I have to pay.
We often want something we don’t currently have. The idea that we can obtain something we don’t have without giving up anything in return is an illusion, and distinguishing between illusion and reality is a crucial milestone in our inner maturation.
So, is it that you can’t, or that you don’t want to take it easier?
The impact of such a small change in wording can be surprisingly significant.
The picture shows a chair where it’s often interesting to observe clients’ processes of coming to terms with reality and weighing what price they’re willing to pay—what’s already gone but what we hold on to, and what’s there but what we don’t want to see yet. And life shows that when we weigh these questions on our own, we gradually start to deceive ourselves 🙂 But maybe that’s exactly what we want?
