Have you ever felt that a job where you invest your time and energy every day suddenly feels fake? As if everyone around is playing roles, saying the “right” phrases, but nothing is real? It’s as if you were part of a play, playing roles in meetings, in relationships, in front of clients, etc.
With many 1-1 clients who have found themselves in this situation at one point or another (including myself years ago), we have come to something like this conclusion: if we give our workplace or our colleagues expectations that the workplace cannot meet – that it must define us, give meaning to our lives, fill our inner void, satisfy our need for belonging, our need for attention and recognition, our need for self-worth, give us what we expected from our parents – then at some point disappointment is inevitable.
Expectations where they will never be fulfilled (because that is perhaps not the reason why you came together) inevitably lead to disappointment. These expectations are perhaps what you would call fake expectations and what you see at one point is the same fake, but just in a curved mirror.
The other major conclusion has been that if we only bring to work the part of ourselves we consider appropriate, authenticity is lost. If we separate work and private life, if we go along with the traffictable work-life model that has been entrenched for many years, then unfortunately we are fragmented and at some point we discover that we are lost and lost. The work-brain line is missing a third corner – the ‘I’ in its deepest sense.
If we expect our work to inspire us every day, to give us satisfaction and joy, we may one day discover that our expectations were false illusions. This discovery is not a comfortable moment, but it is a life-changing one.
How do we break this circle?
Combine parts of yourself: work-me and holiday-me don’t have to be two completely different people. * Dare to be your true self at work too – it will make your relationships and life experiences enjoyably more sincere. * Dare to be your true self at all, that is, to become deeply aware of who you are. * Systematic and long-term supported self-development is the key.
* Set realistic expectations: work doesn’t have to be the whole point of your life, but part of a bigger picture. Find meaning outside the office.
* Help create an authentic culture: be the one who speaks honestly, asks the real questions and creates an environment where others dare to be themselves.
* Define work for yourself: what do you do for a living? Is this job to fill your forgetfulness or does it have some other purpose that may or may not suit you?
If something looks fake, see if what you see in the mirror is what you’re projecting. Maybe it’s time to decide whether to play on, or close the board, or change the rules and just enjoy the beauty of the game without losing yourself in the game.
Work is fun when it has realistic expectations and we don’t take things too seriously, but rather playfully.
