Dealing with the past

“I’m happy and grateful to be able to give people the opportunity to shine a light into their true depths.”

This is the sentence I have formulated as my MIKS. A phrase that inspires me. It brings together my work as a deep-dive leadership trainer and future therapist.

Yes, it is not worth digging in the past endlessly and just wandering around with a torch, otherwise we will identify with our past, recreating the same pattern over and over again. “That’s me!” is reaffirmed. Or we find things there that we are not really ready to act on, or don’t know how to act on, and don’t dare to ask for help.

But I’m convinced that if we don’t shine a light into the depths of it, we are not aware of what creates our patterns and why we get into different relationships or situations that break us up. If you don’t know, you can’t make a choice. There are just automatic choices and repetitive thoughts day after day. The past has to be dealt with so that you can be in the present and the past doesn’t affect you too much.

If there is no awareness, there can be no will to change, there can be no will to create the knowledge and capacity to get out of it permanently. Interestingly, all the theories of change management claim broadly the same, but we don’t want to use them for ourselves.

As a future regression therapist, I’m still occasionally tempted by the question of whether to deal with the past or look forward. I am convinced, however, that it is through facing the past that we can find freedom in the present and for the future. Of course, E.Tolle is right to say that all we have is the present moment. But for many, this is a beautiful idea, but theoretical and too esoteric. Most people (including spiritual people) cannot chew their way through this book. It is a symptom in itself that something is still unresolved in the depths, and that we cannot really understand the meaning behind the words. We may repeat this mantra, but in our gut we may not understand it at all on a non-verbal level. True understanding is when you can’t put it into words, but you feel you understand. The Indians also valued deep silence more than speaking, because then there was real knowing, not the imposition of my truth and knowledge on others.

Thinking and talking does not usually resolve deep issues. A sense of urgency is needed. Go back to the emotional level to the moment when the block occurred, most of the time it occurred when you didn’t have the logic to talk today and therefore talking about things doesn’t work because the problem is deeper than thinking allows it to be. Fortunately, there are ways to get back to that altered state of consciousness. No mind-altering drugs.

When you find yourself again and again in patterns or something inside you is creeping up, and even though life seems like it’s going okay on the surface, something is still creeping up. I don’t know what to do with my life anyway. Some people triger (irritate) you. But these upsets come from having unresolved or unconscious energy buttons in the past.

So if someone accidentally touches it, you start defending yourself. After all, you’ve gone to all that trouble to cover it up and now somebody’s still going to get through that glossy shell. It’s annoying when I have to stay at home with nothing to do, I can’t even entertain myself (entertainment = separation of the mind from the self!), because then I have to actually create this silence and space for being with myself (to connect with my mind and spirit) and who knows what horrible soggy sludge will come out of there. So we get the anger born of fear and sadness, domestic violence, alcoholism, (work) drug addiction and general societal hatred in the town squares or in the comment sections.

It’s human to do anything to escape from yourself, it’s horribly painful what you can see. The best defence is attack, the ideal defence is a proactive attack. Especially when there is fear of seeking help from a friend or paid friend (therapists, coaches-mentors) and hoping that meditation or some “enlightened spiritual being of light in the human body” will be the thing that saves the day. We make ourselves dependent on the other again. I’ve been seeing it so much lately that as people have been forced to be unusually self-absorbed, all kinds of mud starts to ooze out and people cling to those who call themselves enlightened. Again, a good way to get away fast and do as they say or tell you to live. Huhh, you don’t have to be responsible. He said it was the right thing to do.

I don’t really want to open a discussion or a door on this vaccination issue. This is a completely secondary and very superficial part of the real problem that we have collectively pushed our societies into over the last centuries, still reinforced by corporate religion. It is perfectly logical and understandable that there can be no collective alliance for a common goal if a person is not in touch with himself, does not trust himself and has not made peace with his past.

When you have a lot to do with yourself (including building up layers of protection), there can be no common goal. I can see this working with different teams. The argument remains that one is right or the other is right. Pursuing justice never brings collectivism, and I like our government’s communication in this regard, that there is no point in talking the anti-vaccine around. Because the problem is not at all whether to inject or not. The problem is in a competitive society where there is a power struggle over who gets left behind. We feel competitive when someone does better than us, but they have to do better if that is their inherent strength. You don’t have to copy it, you have to find your own natural genius.

Family doctors also don’t have the power to change the minds of non-injectionists, and shouldn’t unless they are prepared to deal with the consequences. Mental consequences. There are few GPs like the one I had years ago when I went to him for a neurologist referral because my left side was cramping at night and he wouldn’t give me that referral. Instead, he asked me how I was getting on with my mum. What’s that got to do with it, give me a referral, I’m busy!
Mum had died a month ago. We talked about that and it turns out that 90% of diseases are psychosomatic. There was no need for medicine, there was a need to talk about the grief that was stuck in the body and cramping. Thanks to her, I started my path towards studying therapy and, of course, working with myself. But, of course, you can’t help a person if they haven’t asked for help. I’ll do a separate post on this sometime, on how the shadow of the helper can actually do more harm to the helper and the helped. Create a new problem of dependency in the victim-saviour-controller power game.

Any change is to question and then kill the present and the past. The paradox is that we cannot live life in the present if we are chained to the past. And this shackling is certainly not today’s idea of mourning my missed childhood or hurt feelings in the past. In most cases, the chain is completely incomprehensible, unconscious and you don’t understand that the block is there somewhere. It’s just that you feel that things in life are not quite 100% as they should be. Something is missing. Somebody checks up on you, etc.

Checks. The ghost of your own unleashed past is controlling you in ways you don’t even understand. Not Kaja Kallas, Irja Lutsar or Tanel Kiik! You are. These people are just nice mirrors. If they irritate, thank God, you get closer to yourself. If they don’t upset you, good luck, you’re not stuck in your unconscious past energy dump. At least not the kind of thing they might trigger in you (nervous laugh).

You can’t get a sense of the present (and the future) until your energy is stuck in the past. A good symtom is also workaholism or other substitute activities (all sorts of mind poisons, for example) to feel needed. We are victims of workload, alcohol, sugar, smoke and as victims we can feel needed again and demand to be taken care of. Someone comes to rescue me or control me. Again, we’ve got the spotlight.

But maybe it’s a good idea to consider yourself first. The part you haven’t considered so far. My inner child who has not received the care and attention he needed at the time. Now you’re a big person yourself and you can give him what he lacked as a child.

If you feel (as I often do) that it’s somehow bad to be when I’m not doing something, then your energy is stuck somewhere in the past. We are sick with the disease of doing life, trying to control life (symptom: we get upset when someone else controls us) and as Tommy Hellsten says – we get sick with the disease of self-powered learning. A stage where we think we are perfect, put on this nice-guy-mask of joy and don’t accept that we have weaknesses and need the support and collective relationships of others. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a disease of denying one’s own weaknesses. Lack of self-confidence. If words and deeds don’t match, a person is not trustworthy.

The recovery is unfortunately 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Still in a battle of hopelessness and why-may-yet-again-why-not. It is not possible to become an angel unless you are dead. To do this, we need other people, mirrors, to help us evolve and let the old self die. We have the right to surround ourselves with people who help us grow spiritually and to opt out of interactions that don’t.

Self-confidence can come when I am very aware of who I am. But we all have our own history. And by denying this and looking only to the present and the future, energy can still be stuck in the wrong place. There is no need to dig endlessly into the past if there is no question and no problem to solve. We really don’t, we don’t just think we don’t because we’ve already got this mask of joy stuck to our faces. But if you feel that things aren’t quite right, but then again, maybe they are, and I don’t know, maybe they’re not, then there’s some energy stuck somewhere. If it were not closed, there would be no questions.