Recently, a client described surviving through his coping strategies. Through not letting people get too close because people might leave, betray. So it is safer not to get too deeply attached to someone. He has had experiences in his life where loved ones and confidants have disappeared from his life or betrayed him. Maybe it was a survival strategy that worked at some point.
At the time, I was left wondering about the meaning of the phrase ‘staying alive’. We often talk about staying alive in terms of survival. About not getting hurt, not losing. Also through how to control risks, people and situations in order to survive with as little damage as possible. This logic is also very familiar in organisations: processes, controls, metrics, KPIs. All the right things, but often driven by fear of losing.
But life is happening around us anyway. We can’t control the behaviour of others or prevent losses. We cannot ensure that no one leaves. Perhaps survival is not just survival, but something much deeper.
For me, ‘staying alive’ means staying centred; having an inner ‘arc’ in place and being able to respond to life’s events, not fight them. It is a state where a leader does not react out of panic but is able to make decisions in the face of pressure, uncertainty and change.
This is the quality that organisations are looking for today. It is about accountability. Lately, accountability has been much talked about in terms of effort, control and ‘pulling yourself together’. Be productive, be purposeful, achieve, set plans, measure results, show progress, etc.
But the responsibility is to respond. Responding to life and the situation as it is, not bending life to your will through discipline and constant editing.
Responsibility and staying alive for me is the ability to ask myself, what answer does this situation really want from me and why has it come into my life?
In leadership, I often hear the same pattern, where leaders don’t lead and inspire, but stay alive. And are afraid that if control is loosened, the system will collapse.
This creates a distance with being human:
* keeping emotional distance,
* delegating only in appearance,
* doing it yourself or being told to do it your way because “it’s safer that way”.
Business-wise, it pays off – initiative is lost, responsibility is dispersed, mediocrity becomes the norm and HR managers end up managing the symptoms: burnout, turnover, dissatisfaction.
This is all understandable because these strategies have never helped. But at some point, survival becomes exhausting and worthless. The leader is no longer staying in life, but fighting life. The results may last for a while, but the vitality, creativity and sense of responsibility are gone.
To be more alive and to create new value (also in business), sometimes you have to give up another training that teaches new tools and techniques. Sometimes what is needed is a space where the leader can honestly look at his or her strategies for staying alive.
