Sounds like maturity, right? Like the ability to be a bigger person, but in reality … the phrase is full of hidden struggle.
“Smarter” implies a priori that someone is dumber. Perhaps with this sentence we do not solve the situation – we label, compare, measure. This generally leads to nothing but discomfort.
One wins in silence, the other loses. And relationships? They’re going to fizzle out somewhere, because the tension remains. Generally, if both of them continue to behave in a similar way over time, the different tension builds up in their bodies in such a way that something is sick somewhere, or is no longer whole.
This smarter-than-you-need-to-be-after-the-fact silo is not adult. It’s a familiar sandbox technique – “ok, I won’t play with you anymore because I’m smarter.” In essence, it’s outward peace but inward superiority. With children they sort it out at some point, adults tend to hold a grudge.
Accuracy is not “giving in”, but the ability to see that there is no struggle. That there is no need to choose which is smarter. That both are hurting somewhere, and something wants to come out of inside, but doesn’t dare. Most of the time, the situation needs presence, understanding, listening to the end, without justification from oneself. Respect for the other person’s inner world.
💡 A pledge of allegiance is made when there is no need to win. When it is necessary to sympathetically understand, or to always look at your interlocutor with love. It doesn’t mean that you love him, but that you simply look at him with a gaze that loves the part of you that is speaking through the pain in his moment. Like a loving mother/father looking at her child’s pain.
I’ve been experimenting with this so-called “loving gazing” for the last few months in completely random situations and it works great – it creates brightness!
Just one sentence no matter what the situation: “I look at people with a loving eye”.
